This week was my daughter, Andrea’s spring break from Harding
University, and last Saturday morning, I was looking forward to seeing her when
she arrived home that evening. When I
got up that morning, my wife had already left to go into her office for some
early Saturday morning work, but she had left me a note: “Call me.”
Have you ever gotten an emotional punch in the gut? Had the wind sucked out of your sails?
I called my wife. She
had news. “Andrea’s friend, Nicholas was killed in a car accident this morning.”
Nicholas Smith was an excellent student at Harding. A Bible major from Buford, Georgia, he was
planning to work in the ministry as a career.
Looking forward to that, he had agreed to an internship this summer at a
congregation in Syracuse, New York. And,
he and his girlfriend were headed there for spring break, along with a number of other Harding
students, on a mission trip, when his car was involved in a multi-vehicle
pile-up near Louisville. The Lord took
him home.
He was a good friend to my daughter.
My heart immediately went out to Andrea. In her four years at Harding, this would be
the third person that she has known who has been killed in a car accident on
the way to or from school. And, Nicholas
was close. She and Nicholas had been
friends since her freshman year. Good
friends. He had accompanied her to
social functions, and they regularly hung in the same circle of friends. Laughing.
Joking. Playing games and goofing
off. I just knew she was going to take
it extremely hard.
You see, last year, she was deeply heartbroken when a girl
in her dorm had died, and she was not nearly as close to that young woman. As her father, it tore me up to see her in so
much pain. And, I worried that this one
would be so much more devastating. Grief
can be incredibly debilitating, and I worried about how it would affect her…especially
as she herself was on the road, driving the nine hours home.
As her father, I remain concerned, but I am no longer
anxious about it. In fact, I am now quite
proud of her.
Rather than withdrawing into a cocoon of self-despair, she
instead poured herself into others. After
she had gotten the news, and in the midst of her own deep-seated grief, she
began to phone many of their mutual friends, in order to break the news (before they read
it on Facebook, etc) and to be their “shoulder” to cry on. She gave to others despite her own sorrow,
and her heart has made me proud.
Not that she isn’t going to
struggle. I know she will. But, just so you can get a glimpse of how she
is handling it, here is a tweet she sent out on Monday:
“I'm not okay, but I will be and God is still good and
present in my life.”
I am proud of her for two reasons. First, she has her own faith, and she has
matured within it to the point that she can stand firmly knowing that God is
there for her. Second, she has matured
spiritually to the point that her heart for other people has more power in her
life than her own personal pain or struggles.
She is her own woman with her own faith, and that faith is strong.
As I write this, she has gone to Georgia to attend Nicholas’
memorial service. She was even asked to
share some memories during the service.
It cut our time with her short this week, but she needed to go. For Nicholas.
For her friends. And, for the
Smith family. There would have been no
way that Nancy and I could have stood in her way.
I am reminded of your sincere faith,
which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am
persuaded, now lives in you also.
2 Timothy 1:5
But
as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of,
because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have
known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through
faith in Christ Jesus. 2 Timothy 3:14-15
Like Timothy,
I can see the sincerity of my daughter’s faith, and I know that so much of it
finds its roots in how my wife trained her in her youth. (And I hope I played a little part too.) But even so, she has made it her own, and it
has blossomed to maturity within her heart.
I watched Nicholas Smith’s memorial service online, and his faith was
obvious as well. His faith also was his own, and
he gave to everyone around him. His
faith impacted everyone he had contact with.
No wonder they were friends.
To bring this
around to us…
Riding along with my pride in my daughter are some challenges
for my own heart.
How often do I let my own struggles get the better of
me? How often do I let my
discouragements cause me to slide into my own personal cocoon? Is my own faith strong enough that I would be
giving to others through my own turmoil?
Isn’t it something
when you start learning from and being challenged by your own child? (That makes me proud too.)
Do
nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above
yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests
of others. Philippians 2:3-4
We all know
this, right? We need to have the needs
and concerns of others on our hearts, to postpone our own needs and concerns in
order to care for our neighbors. But, to
do that while in the midst of personal pain is the ultimate challenge. It’s just plain hard. However, looking to the needs around us might
be the best, most effective way of dealing with our own pain. Something to think about.
Also…
To the young
parents out there reading this, let me leave you with a couple of thoughts to
reflect on…
1.
Share your FAITH with your children…not just
your religion. Let them see it living in you.
2.
The
greatest gift you can give your child is the example of your faithfulness. Your example shouts louder than your words
ever will.
Give to your
children the tools to make you proud of their faith too.
To close, I ask all of you to keep the Smith family in your prayers. May God bless them with peace and the touch of His loving hands on their shoulders.
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